Future Or A Memory

I don't want to be your coulda been, your woulda been, your distant past or your oldest memory, your biggest regret or long ago friend you see.... I'm scared that's where you'll put me and that's how it'll always be. I don't wanna be the girl you tell others you tolerated because you couldn't honestly tell me that things weren't going to work out the way we wished they would be. So keep things frank and don't toss me a lead. Unless you plan to tell stories of the love that unfolded as the years grew long and the days grew old. Sitting round by the fire where the best of stories are told. And maybe I'll be there to hear of these joys... because after all of this time you chose to keep me, to hold. And even if I'm not, I still hope I'm a good memory you'll be able to hold. So think for a moment where you're going from here, because there's always a memory but is it one you'll hold dear?....

Where's the Peace?

For once I just want my brain to be still and silent and not think a thing. I want a moment to myself where I'm not worrying about things that have been said or things I have done or if have hurt someone or if I've done something I shouldn't have or didn't do something I should have. I constantly war within myself as to what wrong I have done for the day when I should be thankful I have had the opportunity to even go through a day. I contemplate every little thing I do and my brain just won't let me catch a break when I need it. Let me sit idle and just run away for a while because it's been far too log since I've had such a rest. Even now while I'm writing I'm obviously thinking like never before, but at least there's some order and I can get it down on the page. I wish I could dream of nothing and run away to a place where everything is actually nothing and then only then can I relax and come to peace once again. I've lost all means of escape and I don't know where to go. I feel lost and kind of lonely, but I don't want left alone. I want all my space but then again I don't.

Hurting, Helping, Breaking, Healing

I can only do so much and I can only go so far. Because at some point you'll cut me off and you'll ship me off oh so far. I'm hurting and breaking to see you hurt so and I want to find a way to make things better you know. I can't do much more for you when you don't want me around because as much as it hurts me you just don't want me around. I want to sit there and listen no matter how much you may have to unload and then sit there and listen and listen some more. My heart can't stand sitting idle when you're not doing so well because it's not how it should be and I want to hold you so close. Things are so crazy and you do so well through it all. But life is so crazy and I want to be there through it all. If you'll let me, I'm willing to stay along for the ride because I don't want just good times. I want good and the bad. But life isn't meant to be handled like you're out on your own. It's meant to be shared with those who mean most. Spread out the burdens and you'll find great relief. Because life is much easier when you share when you're weak.